Our final week in India didn’t quite go as planned — what was meant to be a relaxing tour through beautiful Kerala turned into a lesson in patience, persistence, and finding humour even in frustration.
Kerala: Frustration and Craziness
We’ve officially left India — and what a whirlwind the last week was! In my previous post, we were on an overnight bus to Cochin, full of optimism and excitement for our next adventure in Kerala. I had booked a weeklong tour with a car and driver while we were in Bangalore, opting for a “deluxe” package that promised better hotels, air conditioning, breakfast, and wifi. Little did we know, this chapter of our journey would be one of the most frustrating yet — the kind of experience that teaches patience (and the true meaning of “Incredible India”).
Arriving in Cochin
Our driver met us at the bus station when we arrived, but it didn’t take long to realize things might get interesting. He spoke barely any English, muttered to himself constantly, and had no idea where our hotel was — not entirely his fault, since the travel agent had changed it the day before. When we finally found it, it turned out to be in the middle of nowhere with no wifi. Great start.
After showers and lunch, we headed out sightseeing. The plan? A visit to Fort Cochin. The reality? A random guy appeared at our car window and told us to buy boat tickets. Before we knew it, we were on a three-hour “tour” that visited five sites, four of which we only saw from a distance. It was an awkward introduction to Kerala tourism. We ended the day tired, cranky, and in need of wifi — which we found at a nearby hotel that was, of course, much nicer than ours. That would become a theme.
Houseboat Bliss
The next day took us to Alleppey (or Alappuzha) for the famous houseboat experience through Kerala’s backwaters — one of Lonely Planet’s top recommendations. And finally, something lived up to the hype. The houseboat was peaceful, the scenery stunning, and the crew genuinely wonderful. We cruised along palm-lined canals, watched daily life unfold on the riverbanks, and feasted on South Indian food that was delicious at every meal.
At sunset, we stopped for dinner and bought some fresh king prawns to grill — washed down with a cold Kingfisher beer. Simple perfection. We slept soundly in our air-conditioned cabin, woke to the sound of gentle waves, and had a hearty Indian breakfast before disembarking. For both of us, this day was the highlight of the week — a true gem in an otherwise rocky stretch of travel.
Terrifying Drives and Ayurvedic Adventures
Then it was back in the car — with our odd driver — heading to Thekkady, a “hill station” famous for its spice plantations and Lake Periyar wildlife sanctuary. The 120 km journey took four terrifying hours of winding mountain roads and aggressive driving that had Nicola gripping the seat in white-knuckled fear. When we finally arrived, we toured a spice plantation where I bought some miracle herbal powder promising to fix all stomach problems for five years. I remain skeptical.
That evening, we experienced an Ayurvedic massage — a must-do in Kerala, apparently. Let’s just say it was… intimate. I was given a tiny loincloth and a vigorous full-body oil massage, followed by being sealed in a steam box like a human dumpling. The masseur dried me off afterward — far more thoroughly than necessary. Uncomfortable? Yes. Relaxing? Surprisingly, also yes.
Later, we attended a Kathakali (Thadikali) performance — a traditional, wordless Hindu drama performed through exaggerated facial and eye movements. The costumes were spectacular, though I was completely lost after about fifteen minutes.
Elephants, Tea, and Trouble
The next morning, we woke early for a wildlife boat ride on Lake Periyar. After a chaotic ticket scramble (and a sprint up a hill that would make marathoners proud), we managed to board the 7:30 a.m. boat. We saw elephants, buffalo, and wild boar — no tigers, of course. Still, it was worth the effort.
After breakfast, we headed to Munnar. The drive was another hair-raising four-hour ordeal through winding hills. The tea plantations, however, were breathtaking — endless green waves of perfectly pruned bushes that looked like topiary art. Our driver insisted we visit a lookout point called Top Station, but after two days of nausea-inducing driving, we refused. He demanded extra money to take us somewhere closer for lunch instead. The word “no” apparently doesn’t translate well.
When we finally reached our hotel in Munnar, it was yet another disappointment — dirty, hot, and no hot water. We discovered the hotel’s rate was 2000 rupees, despite having paid 2500 per night to the agent, who claimed we were getting “special deals.” The frustration was building.
Scammed and Done
By the next day, we’d been handed off to a new driver who immediately asked us for 500 rupees “for Mr. Praveen,” the local contact. Against our better judgment, we handed it over after being promised it would be returned in an hour. Of course, it never was — we were scammed. Mr. Praveen became the ghost of Kerala, always “ten minutes away,” yet never materializing.
We insisted on visiting the Tata Tea Museum, which was actually fascinating and one of the few legitimate highlights of the week. Watching the process from leaf to cup gave me a new appreciation for every cup of chai. But by the end of the day, our patience had run dry. Between false promises, bad hotels, and endless lies, we were ready to get out of Kerala.
Final Straw and Moving On
Our last night was spent near Cochin airport. We were told another driver would deliver our missing 500 rupees. Naturally, that didn’t happen. Instead, the hotel clerk told us we still owed 500 rupees — apparently, the message had been “lost in translation.” We laughed, the manager apologized, and we finally let it go.
Leaving Kerala, we both felt cheated — not just financially, but of the joy we usually find in travel. It was a disappointing end to an otherwise incredible month in India. Still, one bad week can’t erase all the beauty, warmth, and wonder we experienced across the country.
Reflections
India has a tourism slogan: “Incredible India.” And it truly is — even when it drives you crazy. For every scammer or chaotic bus ride, there were moments of pure magic: a sunrise over the Himalayas, a tiger sighting, a lazy day on the beach in Goa. Now, as we head into Egypt, we carry both the laughter and the lessons from our time here — a reminder that travel isn’t just about seeing beautiful places, but also about surviving the messy parts along the way.
Next stop: Egypt!
